'You're not friends. You are her boss': Clueless manager forces employee to give her the last bite of her chocolates

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Feb 27, 2023 5:00 PM EST

This manager went into work on her day off just to bully her so-called  "friend/employee." In this insane story told to r/AmItheA**hole, the OP described an interesting work situation she's got going on. The 34 year old manager went into her retail job on her day off, probably because she considers her employees to be her friends. Not that bosses and employees can't be friends in theory, but there's got to be some boundaries drawn, and this clueless boss has some major issues with that. 

The employee, Kate, was showing her coworkers a nice box of chocolates from her boyfriend. There was only one piece left when the OP showed up, and she actually had the nerve to ask — twice! — for a bite of the final truffle. This employee was so taken aback that she tried to deflect the OP's question in a few different ways, but the OP wasn't taking no for an answer. The OP even managed to insult her in front of all the other employees. This boss and employee relationship doesn't sound much like a friendship… After getting flamed in the comments section and repeatedly getting called an a**hole by basically everyone, maybe the OP will rethink her "friendships."

Next up, read about these feuding neighbors who escalated things by getting the police involved with their noise complaint. 

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    Smile - r/AmItheA ole. Posted by u/squarefloors n 23 hours ago 2 05 2 AITA For Asking My Friend For a Piece of Chocolate? A: ole
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    Font - I (34F) am the manager of a small retail store. Today is my day off, but I went into the store to make sure everything was set to run smoothly, as we have two new hires. When I got there, my friend/employee Kate (21F) was in the back showing the other workers some chocolate she got from her boyfriend. They were apparently some fancy gourmet dark chocolate truffles in a little box and she was showing off the last one. She said she'd eaten the others since they'd come in last Friday (a late
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    Font - I asked Kate if I could try it. She looked surprised by the question and took a minute before she answered it. She told me I could buy some on the website and that she had the little pamphlet that came with the box showing all the flavors available. She asked if I'd like it, and I told her yes, but that I'd like to try the chocolate to see if it's any good. She said her boyfriend got them for her and she didn't think it'd be right to give her gift to someone else. I laughed and told her i
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    Font - I ended up leaving the building about twenty minutes later, and then another hour later I got a text from my assistant manager Marla (47F) saying Kate asked to leave early because she didn't feel well. I approved through my DM for her to leave since we were staffed well enough for what would probably be a slow day. I asked her to pass along to Kate that if she leaves, I'd like for her to make up for those hours at some point in the next week. Otherwise, she's good to go. I tried asking Ma
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    Font - Edit- Autocorrect attacked when I wrote my response to the bot. It should read "I may be" at the beginning. Also, just to clarify, I was only asking for part of the truffle, not the whole thing. I only wanted a nibble.
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    Font - Edit- Everyone seems to be misunderstanding me about the making up hours thing. I don't expect Kate to make up those hours and I'm not demanding her to. When I said "otherwise, she's good to go" that meant that her making up her hours was just my only note/suggestion. Kate was free to leave early regardless of if she makes up her hours. She's one of my best and most reliable workers and pulls overtime quite often, so I never enforce policy about "making up" hours on her. This is also the
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    Font - Edit [02/24/23] - I tried to leave this alone and enjoy my day after getting upset over several comments and several aggressive, dirty, insulting PMs. Please stop calling me fat/obese/a slob/etc over the chocolate. Stop arguing about whether Kate and I can be friends. Coworkers can be friends!! Just because I didn't know her before I interviewed her doesn't mean we haven't become friends in the five months since then. I will try to read more of the comments after work and answer more ques
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    Font - Brainjacker 23 hr. ago A ole Enthusiast [8] EWWWW YOUR EDIT So you came in on your day off, wanted to chew on your employee's LAST VALENTINE'S DAY TRUFFLE and then GIVE IT BACK TO HER, and need to hear from strangers on the internet whether you're TA? Fine, YTA
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    Rectangle - holliday_doc_1995 - 21 hr. ago It's the 'nibble' for me. I just wanted a nibble.... I cannot imagine asking my boss for a nibble of her anything
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    Font - cubbiegthrow · 20 hr. ago Supreme Court Just-a 133] OP also claims in her title that this employee is her "friend." I guarantee the employee only sees her as an overbearing, boundary stomping boss. They are NOT friends.
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    Font - BatterWitch23 20 hr. ago Add to this that You are her boss, so there is a power imbalance She tried to tactfully redirect you to a place where you could order your own AND you pushed back YTA
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    Font - Runkysaurus 20 hr. ago Partas ant [3] Right?! And also when she describes it being a small box, and something fancy/expensive, I was picturing something like Godiva chocolates. You can get like 8 of their chocolates for $20, 4 truffles for $14. They aren't even the fanciest or most expensive chocolates out there, but I remember my dad buying my mom some when I was little. And they were so fancy and expensive that she only got like 8 pieces. That's the kind of chocolate that you savor and
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    Font - Prudent_Economist523 21 hr. ago The worst part is that with every edit OP makes she looks like a bigger AH but she's too dense to notice.
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    Font - Kiruna235 20 hr. ago Partas ant [1] The edit really makes it so much worse. I have never encountered a truffle that's not messy to "nibble". Truffles aren't meant to be shared. The lack of self- awareness in this post is giving me the heebie jeebies.
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    Font - SoulRebel726 20 hr. ago Some of these just leave me shaking my head at my monitor and mumbling about how this person could possibly not see that they're an a hole after typing out the story. The lack of social etiquette and self awareness some people have is astounding. YTA twice, OP. Once for the weird chocolate request and again for actually having to be told by strangers on the internet that you were an as ole about it.
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    Font - YesterdaySimilar2069 19 hr. ago You're not friends. You are her boss. You can be friebdly, but being her friend isnt acceptable with that age and power dynamic in play. You don't ask for anything from your employees beyond work requirements. You just don't. It's very unprofessional to use your power dynamic against her to try and take something she finds of high value from her. YTA.
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    Font - NoUsual3693 - 17 hr. ago I'm dying I mean, I imagine she meant like, cut off a little piece? But all I could picture was her "nibbling" away at it with her teeth and then handing it back. Sorry OP, but YTA, in a really socially awkward kinda way. The fact that you asked to nibble at it is weird enough, but also, it was the last chocolate in her box, gifted to her by her romantic love interest! Just... weird. Offering you the pamphlet was a really smart and kind way to deflect the situatio
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    Font - Rockettmang44 20 hr. ago Hopping on the top comment just to say this reminds me of a situation at my work where my coworkers teammate always asks to try some of their food, and they usually agree cuz they don't want to rock the boat. But my coworker told me they hate it when their teammate asks cuz their teammate openly admits to having a phobia of washing their hands in public spaces and doesn't have the best oral hygiene, so they worry they'll pick up any sickness their teammate has. Sa
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    Font - comomellamo 18 hr. ago It's the classic: they are one of my best, most reliable employees therefore I am entitled to treat them poorly Followed by Pikachu face: my best employee just quit with no notice and i have no idea why!!
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    Font - Various_Muscle_6861 19 hr. ago I totally agree. Also, how can anyone be so dumb and insensitive to insist on having a piece after the poor girl told her that she could send for this obviously very expensive and exclusive chocolate from the makers' website?! For the clueless manager, that's a polite way to let you know that she really, really doesn't want to give you even the tiniest nibble! And you kept insisting! And, as if that wasn't enough, you made sure that she knows she has to make
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    Font - whiporee123 23 hr. ago Parta ant [1] Of course YTA. How can you not see this? You asked a subordinate for something that belonged to them. She said no, and you persisted. I'm surprised you didn't threaten her with unpaid overtime.
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    Font - ghfsgetitgetgetit. 21 hr. ago Can you imagine the confusion of this poor girl when her boss ("friend"... sure OP) asked her for a NIBBLE of her Valentine's Day chocolate? OP - you are her manager, not her friend, and as she is your subordinate you should never ask her for anything product or action based that is not strictly work related.
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    Font - Iusedtobachicken 23 hr. ago Parta ipant [1] YTA- it was her gift, the last one and why would you feel so entitled to it? It's not yours and anyone with any sense of manners would never ask someone else for their last piece of chocolate, especially if it was a gift. Also you're her boss that makes this 10x more uncomfortable for her- apologise and go buy the chocolates yourself and give her one to make up for your obnoxiousness. Also just a nibble doesn't make it any better.
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    Font - AppropriateScience71 · 20 hr. ago Don't give one - give her a whole box and profusely apologize. If you don't at least give her a sincere apology, tension will remain and she'll be much more receptive to other opportunities (if she's not looking already). PS Sincere apology means saying you were way out of line and, upon reflection, you realized just how rude and inappropriate your request was. And it will never happen again. It's not, I'm sorry I made you upset, I just heard how deliciou
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    Font - Green_Potato8108 - 19 hr. ago It actually sounds like she's super jealous of the employee. Just based on how she said she was showing off her chocolates to everyone. Perhaps she was showing off but it's really not serious enough to want to bring someone down a peg for it. Like for all she knows, she brought the chocolates in to eat on her break. Someone saw the fancy box and asked her where she got them from and it turned into small talk about Valentine's Day. OP comes in, puts the employ
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    Rectangle - FoolMe1nceShameOnU 22 hr. ago Ctain [163] Also, she clearly left because OP gave her a full-on anxiety attack over not sharing her personal stuff. This just makes it seem like further retaliation.
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    Font - Esabettie 20 hr. ago Parta pant [1] And why is she going on her day off? Doesn't she trust her employees? The micromanaging!
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    Font - Father-Son-HolyToast 19 hr. ago In OP's defense, the one upside to all this is that she has now given Kate the gift of a jaw- dropping horrible boss anecdote that she'll be whipping out at social gatherings for years to come. This is the kind of thing that ends up on the "worst bosses" story roundups that AskAManager puts together.
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    Font - winesis 23 hr. ago erintendant [51] YTA and I hope your company has a HR department so she can report you. You tried to use your position over her to shame her & to force her into giving you something that was hers. You need to be written up for intimidation of a subordinate.
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    Font - keoghberry 23 hr. ago YTA - it was her LAST piece of chocolate? Dude wtf why would you ask for that? And then call her STINGY when she didn't want to share? Get over yourself
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    Font - sailshonan 21 hr. ago Right. LAST PIECE! Like if there were a bunch of pieces, his behavior would be bad enough, but the last piece! Kate was probably saving it and looking forward to enjoying the very last piece.
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    Font - Equivalent_Collar_59 Certified Proctologist [26] - 22 hr. ago YTA. Why is it her problem you'd like to try before you buy...
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    Font - disappointmentcaftan 19 hr. ago Partas ant [4] • Honestly, this the part I can't get over because it's just so galling. She was giving you a face-saving way out of the situation and you doubled down. If you want to try the chocolates, you buy them... just like anyone else in the world who doesn't know your employee would have to do. She's not like a one- woman-sample-giver for this chocolate store. She doesn't work for them! She wouldn't make a commission on you deciding you like them and
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    Font - andreaak88 23 hr. ago P perintendant [62] You wanted your employee Kate's chocolate, she said no, so as her manager you mocked her in front of everyone? Then she wanted to leave because obviously she wasn't feeling welcomed by you or the others who laughed at her, and your response is she has to make up her hours, even though the day is covered by enough staff? What is wrong with you? How you're a manager of anything and haven't been fired with an attitude like yours is outstanding. YTA,
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    Font - BO MiniatureAdult 19 hr. ago Thank you. OP called their employee stingy in front of everyone. That is bullying. Straight up. It's so gross to ask for a nibble of chocolate. Wtf. OP. YTA.
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    Font - The Epictetian. 23 hr. ago I asked Kate if I could try it. She looked surprised by the question and took a minute before she answered it. She told me I could buy some on the website and that she had the little pamphlet that came with the box showing all the flavors available. She asked if I'd like it, and I told her yes, but that I'd like to try the chocolate to see if it's any good You're not an a hole for asking, you're an a hole for asking, being told "no" and then asking again, and wh
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    Font - tealcandtrip Parta ant [3] 23 hr. ago YTA. You used your position of power to intimidate your underling into giving you a piece of their property. They were clearly uncomfortable and you kept doing it anyway. Then you led the whole team in a nice round of public bullying. Talk about a hostile workplace. The good news is she sounds like Marla will be a nice supportive witness for her HR complaint. Never put yourself in a position to take from an underling. It's one thing if they offer. Kat
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    Rectangle - lemgal 23 hr. ago On top of that adding extra hours could be seen as retaliation. YTA
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